Love Letters to Self pt6

Relationships are the source of so much joy and pleasure as well as deep pain and suffering.

We are social creatures who live in communities and experience this life through relating. That’s why relationships are so important. Imagine having all you can think of, your dream, your kingdom but devoid of people. Nobody to talk to, nobody to share your experience with. How exciting that would be? So again, relationships are important because relationships define us.

So how do we relate to each other?

You will be surprised to learn that most relationships follow the same script and most people play the roles of victim and persecutor while some people become heroes/saviors. Let’s have a look at these roles most of us are already familiar of.

1. Victim/Prey/martyr

These individuals always end up abused, taken advantage of. They magnetically attract the predators and easily fall prey to them. Their identity is created around the misfortunes that keep befalling them.

If you keep being victimized you need to take responsibility of your part of the story, heal your trauma and let go of victimhood. You were not born as a victim, victims are created through abuse and trauma. While the wound is not your fault, healing is your responsibility.

When an individual is abused physically, mentally, emotionally even spiritually they disconnect from their inner guidance system and become defenseless. At the same time a mindset is created that somehow justifies the abuse, makes the individual think that they deserve the abuse for some reason. Being powerless and believing that you deserve to be abused perpetuates the abuse to happen.

Please understand that if you want to end the abuse you have to change your perspective and heal your past wounds. This is not easy or comfortable but incredibly liberating and powerful.


Here are some steps you can take to empower and liberate yourself and finally let go of the role of the victim.

1. Take full responsibility for your life.

2. Find a healer/therapist to assist you in healing past wounds.

3. Focus on what you want instead of what you do not desire.

4. Surround yourself with supportive and inspiring people

5. Love and respect yourself enough to speak up when you feel uncomfortable/under pressure

2. Persecutor/violator/abuser

Most of the violators were victims earlier and their wounding and trauma led to their distorted nature. They almost have a 6th sense to identify and catch the easiest prey and continue with their behavior.

Humans are not born to be abusers and violators either. They become that as a response to their experience, their environment. In most cases they are victims, often from early childhood, living in a state of survival. When you are fighting for survival you only see two things, you are either the hunter or you are the prey. Some victims, when they are stronger, intentionally choose the role of the hunter/abuser/violator as seemingly the only option for their survival. In their mind it is still better to be the hunter than the prey and it seems to them that they have no other option. There is an emotional disconnection, certain numbness that prevents them to feel any guilt, empathy or remorse and there is also a lack of inner/higher guidance to follow therefore the trauma based response is repeated and ingrained even more, keeping the individual stuck in the survival mode.

Breaking the victim-violator cycle

Both of the victim and the violator role is coming from the same root, which is fear. In the case of the victim this fear manifests as powerlessness and paralysis keeping the individual stuck and repeating the pattern of abuse. With the violator the fear manifests as a limited perspective that the only option for survival is to be the violator. However despite of suppressing emotions and justifying their actions the violators still have a sense of wrong so they carry a remorse and secret guilt that weighs heavily on their soul.

These fears that are perpetuating the victim-violator cycle are mostly unconscious but with inner healing work we can all reveal and face these fears and create a different future. Through healing and loving ourselves we start to remember that we are not powerless anymore but we have a voice and we have the power to choose a different role.

3. Savior/Heroine/Hero

Some people who managed to free themselves from this victim-persecutor dynamic and took their power back through transforming, integrating and healing their own trauma/disconnection. They are the heroes who naturally stand up for truth, justice and protection of life in general.

We all have the potential of the hero/heroine within. This is the role who we really meant to take. In this role we stand for love, truth, peace, unity and connection. As heroes we live in harmony because we understand that we co-create this life together. We all take responsibility to bring our best to the common table. We naturally flow and pulsate with life enjoying all that is offered in abundance. A true hero is confident and grateful, a true hero naturally inspires, uplifts and empowers others.

Do you want to be a heroine/hero?

We are divine, multidimensional beings of body, mind, heart and spirit and you probably can’t even imagine your highest potential. The time is Now to unlock that potential.

What do you choose? To be a victim or a violator?

Or to be the heroine/hero you were born to be?

I see the hero in you as I see the heroine in me.

With love

In Lak’esh

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