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I grew up in Hungary during the communist era. My family, my country and my people have suffered a great deal because of this type of oppression but I think the real problem was not the regime, but the fear in people’s mind.
It was the fear that told the people to report your neighbor, it was the fear that told people to commit heinous crimes.
After the change of regime when the borders opened and we were allowed to leave, I moved to Ireland and lived there for 6 years. There was no communism there and I thought that I am finally free, just to see another type of indoctrination called religion, and I saw people suffer because of this.
It was not communism now, it was religion, but I felt the same fear in people’s mind, just like in my country. It was the fear that told people to deny their daughters, it was fear that killed and buried all those babies in the Magdalene Laundries.
There is so much fear, how can I escape it? This was what I thought at that point in my life. It has to be a place where there is no fear, I have to keep searching.
In my quest, I ended up in the Amazon forest. Deep in the belly of the jungle without running water or electricity, I thought I found paradise. No indoctrination, no religion, no media. But after a while I saw that people suffer there too. And I felt the same fear in their mind. It was that fear that told them to cause more trauma in the name of healing, it was the fear that moved them to use their gifts to inflict harm.
I live in Mexico more than 8 years now and I still see people suffer every day and I feel the same fear in their mind.
In the end no matter where I went the fear was always present because we are all connected.
We live in very challenging times because the fear grew so big in our world, in our minds. There is a pandemic right now but I just feel the same fear, out of control in people’s mind. This fear is the reason why our world is so sick. It is this fear that tells people to deny their friends and to not hug their dying parents. It is not a virus but the fear that further separates us.
The opposite of fear to me is Love.
I couldn’t escape the fear because it was also planted in my mind.
I could feel it in my body, contracting into a tight little fist just around my stomach area. I could feel it in my breath being shallow or being held. I could feel its coldness in my muscles and in my bones. I could sometimes taste its metallic flavor in my mouth. And sometimes the fear was be so strong and overwhelming, that my body automatically revolted and then emptied out.
Other times I could see the fear lurking in my mind. It took the form of obsession and paranoia. My mind started running wild. Looping around. I felt trapped. Confused. Hopeless and powerless.
I had the craziest ideas of what could happen to me. They all seemed so real. I imagined the worst case scenarios and my mind fixated on them.
Fear made me feel like spiraling down into a deep dark hole of confusion and paralysis. I was unable to move, frozen in fear, that’s how it felt to me.
Fighting the fear doesn’t work. I know that from experience. I just diged myself deeper. It was impossible to think my way out of it! Willpower was not enough. Escaping the fear was also not possible, I could suppress it for a while but in the end, it always came back, it always found another reason to be there.
There is only one path that I found that showed me how to break free.
Surrender and facing my fears.
But how to surrender to something that you want to avoid at all cost?
Fear is an emotion. Emotion is energy in motion. It wants to move, wants to complete, to release. Resisting fear just made me more stuck in it. Feeling is healing.
Besides I had nothing to loose, apart from fear itself of course.
I knew I could do that, to face my fears. I knew it would be scary but eventually, it would pass, like any other emotions passed through me.
I had to allow my fear to be there without any fight or resistance. Without judgement. Only acceptance. Staying with my fear and taking some breaths together. Knowing that it is OK to be afraid.
So I did that. And as I was sitting there, in complete surrender I started to remember.
I remembered that I am not the fear, I just experience fear temporarily. The fear is only moving through me. I am so much bigger than the fear.
I am so powerful that I can hold that fear and be ok with it. I imagined my fear as a baby and myself as a mother holding it. In that moment I felt an immense love exploding from my heart, embracing that baby, embracing my fear.
As I sat there, I felt my being relaxing deeply to my core. I realized how much fear I held….
Then this softening began to grow as the fear dissolved and melted away. I could see my fear shrinking and becoming small, even a bit funny and ridiculous.
My breathing got deeper and my body felt soft, warm and comfortable again. Clarity returned to my mind and my paranoia faded away. I feel lighter and uplifted. Like emerging from a deep cave and standing outside under the sun with my bare feet touching the precious Earth.
For a moment I couldn’t even remember why I was so afraid…
….it’s is true…
…. most of my fears are false evidence appearing to be real……
….only love is real….sending love to my fear
We all exist in the shadow of our fears.
Fear is the greatest obstacle to true knowledge and understanding of ourselves. Fear is woven into the tapestry of our lives. Fear creates pain, disease, separation, fragmentation, emotional shut down. Fear limits our minds. Fear is trusting in the worst case scenario.
We inherit a worldview filled with fears and anxiety. The fear can prevent us from being fluid or accepting change that is essential for growth. When we are afraid we can be easily manipulated and controlled because we are so scared that we would do almost anything to escape that fear. A fearful mind lacks logic and reason and disconnects us from our heart.
Our greatest fear, the fear of death arises from the ignorance of our true nature. The ignorance of our spiritual, divine nature that cannot die.
The path of releasing our fears is working out what is driving them and release the imprinted programs and wounds associated with the fear program. This is what it means facing our fears. This is a path of healing and true liberation.
For this to happen we have to surrender our fear and give it over to love.
We are spiritual beings of divine love. Fear is what we learn, not who we are. We are one with all of Life. The more we know who we truly are, the more we can express that love and let go of our fears.
Your heart is not afraid. Fear lives in our minds.
Fear is a disease but it’s possible to heal. There is an antidote to fear and it’s called love. Love is the medicine. Come back to your heart.
I love you.
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