What can I tell you about spiritual emergency?
According to the textbook a spiritual emergency can occur when an individual is not able to integrate the challenging experience and his/her life continues to spiral out of control.
That’s exactly what I went through. Let me tell you what happened.
More than a decade ago when I started out on my plant medicine path in the Peruvian jungle, my naive ignorance made me commit all the mistakes that a beginner can make.
What’s happening to me?
I had very little preparation for what was to come. I had no understanding of the journey I was going to undertake. I drank a lot of medicine and participated in a lot of ceremonies within a very short amount of time. I had zero follow up after my dieta and I had no idea what integration was at all.
On the physical level my life totally collapsed, I just moved to Mexico, I was totally alone in a foreign land, I had no money or work, I didn’t even have a stable place to sleep yet. I experienced worry and anxiety on a whole other level.
In my desperation, I went to another plant medicine ceremony to try to figure out what all of this means but instead of answers I lost the last bit of sanity and hope I had in an instant and I entered into the darkest night of my soul.
After that ceremony, I found myself in a never ending panic and terror, I couldn’t stop crying and I was simply in a state of shock. I fell into despair, I was convinced that I am losing my mind and will end up in a mental hospital. I found it funny in a way how in my search for clarity and enlightenment led me to be lost in confusion and darkness, but I couldn’t laugh at that moment.
I felt I have no control of what is happening to me and I have truly no idea how to stop it. I doubted everything, myself, my path, the medicine, even God and I was consumed with a powerful fear of losing myself and my sanity completely. Needless to say that I couldn’t eat or sleep or even calm down and stop crying, I was exhausted, defeated and all is left for me was to pray and to ask for some help.
Help is always available
The best thing you can do if you find yourself in a situation like this is to reach out for help. I remembered that one of the only people I knew in Mexico was a powerful healer and medicine carrier. So I called her. It took several moments for me to stop crying and start speaking through the phone and I am sure whatever I said didn’t make much sense. But she knew that I needed help.
So she helped me and weaved her magic to support me through this crises. Explained to me that I am going through a spiritual rebirth as a result of my intensive plant medicine work. She gave me guidelines to continue this work. She referred me to other healers and said I should take all the support I can. She connected with like minded people who went through similar experience. But most of all she told me to stop drinking medicine for a while and focus on my integration process.
With some time, conscious effort and dedicated work I turned my breakdown into a beautiful rebirth, a fresh new beginning, a stronger, happier and more confident me. But it wasn’t easy and it took me almost two years!
The hidden gifts of spiritual emergencies
However as Dr Stanislav Grof said, spiritual emergencies while intensely challenging, contain profound opportunities for healing and transformation, and this is my personal experience as well.
For me the biggest gift of of this breakdown was finding and connecting with my inner compass and internal guidance. As I was loosing or external frameworks such as beliefs, ideas, values, priorities and my identity, I was pushed inside, toward my heart, toward my own wisdom and power. Finally I found my soul, my true self and my direct connection to the divine universe.
From this place I started to receive, clarity, strength, guidance and support on how to heal and transform my dark night of the soul. With this power, I was able to process, heal and integrate past wounds and generational trauma patterns that kept me ignorant and powerless.
I was awakened to my true power and my real essence. That was an enlightening experience.
But the best just started to manifest. This journey allowed me to deeply integrate the fragmented parts of myself, dissolve inner limitations, claim my gifts and purpose and step into a more authentic self expression.
A natural healing process
I firmly believe that in most cases spiritual emergencies can be turned into spiritual rebirth and a breakthrough experience if you have the necessary support, guidance and container to do that. And if you work with powerful sacred plants you have a bigger chance to experience something like that. The best advice can be given is to prepare yourself, have your guides, teachers, support system and professional containers so if you are going through something strong that can potentially break you, you can turn it into a breakthrough.
If you experience great challenges, remember to reach out for support but be careful about who do you ask help from. Western medicine and tradition psychology unfortunately lacks the necessary framework and understanding to effectively support you during these types of experiences. It’s vital that you get support from somebody who has extensive training and personal experience like a plant medicine integration therapist or a shamanic practitioner.
In my case, the lack of adequate preparation and the lack of integration between the ceremonies resulted in a complete overwhelm that created a spiritual emergency. That’s why it’s important to inform yourself and prepare before you start drinking the most powerful plant medicine.
The good news is that in most cases spiritual emergencies can be prevented with responsible and ethical conduct and even if they occur sometimes they can be supported and transformed into a most empowering experience.
Don’t forget to reach out for help!
If you find yourself in crises after your plant medicine experience, reach out to me for personal support @avatarhealingarts.com
Thank you for sharing my writing with your family and friends.