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A lot of people don’t know but non-pshysical abuse can cause just as much damage as rape and assault if not more. Just because it doesn’t leave any scars, because it’s often justified and normalized that doesn’t mean it doesn’t cause any harm.
The impact of your childhood
If you grow up in a household where yelling and shouting was common, where you received more criticism than praise, where there was fear used to control you, where humiliation was common, where you could never live up to the expectations, or where you were just simply neglected, invisible, you know what I am talking about. And if there was some love also, that just made you more confused and lost.
Non-physical abuse
People think that just because you weren’t touched it is not such a big deal, but if you ever been screamed at by somebody in rage, you know that you feel like somebody punched you in the face and you feel your insides twisted into a tight not and your nervous system is on full alert, and wants you to run or fight back but you are just frozen like an iceberg and you feel powerless.
So don’t tell me that it’s not the same like somebody punching you in the face.
But because we accept this as normal, nobody is perfect, people just want you to suck it up and pretend that nothing has happened.
Can you stand up for yourself and say NO?
In my first an only job as an employee allowed me to witness the creative director of the company, who was surely a psychopath treating everybody like sh…. Humiliation, degradation, insults and name calling, screaming in rage was commonplace. My friend who had the pleasure to work as his assistant gave up after a year and a half, when the constant stress and anxiety started to affect her physical body. And you know what? The most unbelievable thing for me was that nobody ever spoke up, told him to shut up, stand up for themselves or simply just leave, but instead everybody just accepted that he is the boss and that’s how he is. Well not me. But that’s not my point.
It’s even worse in families. When you grow up abused and you have nothing to compare to you will think it’s normal. You think everybody is like that, you are told that nobody is perfect. And that’s true, but it doesn’t justify abuse.
When abuse is normalized
For me it took a long time and a vast physical distance from my family to recognize a lot of things were very unhealthy. But I had no idea. I was in it, for me it didn’t feel good but I thought it’s ok, because I am looked after and provided and go to a nice school, and go on holidays too, so I should be grateful and just take the abuse.
Stuck in a survival mode
When you go through abuse for a long period of time your nervous system is wired different. It is constantly in an alert mode. I can say that it affected greatly my mental and physical health, I suffered from anxiety for a long time and had digestive problems as a result. It takes a lot of courage and conscious effort to let go of these freeze response from your body, mind and soul but healing is possible.
Healing is possible
Until you do, you will be shut down, closed up, in a protection mode, unable to receive and experience real connection and joy. Even if you are married, even if you have kids, and your tribe, you will feel alone and isolated inside. But not all is lost!
I can tell you that you can heal yourself, there are lots of help, and the first step is to reach out and ask for that. You can start with that.
Sacred plants are powerful allies
Scared plants and psychedelic therapy helped me tremendously to unfreeze my body and soul, to let go of fear and to open to real joy. My program Ayahuasca Assisted Therapy is designed to support and empower you heal and let go of your past and to truly change your life.
If you feel that there is time for a breakthrough, connect with me for a free consultation!
With love, Nina Izel
