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Change is hard. Even when you are prepared to let go of what is not serving you anymore it takes courage and resilience to break those attachments.
This is the main reason why not many people will change because they are too attached to the old and comfortable and too afraid of the pain and discomfort that you have to go through in order to let go.
I know this from experience. I went through many times of this death and rebirth process and I can’t say it gets easier. What I can say is that it gets faster and because you learn to surrender instead of resisting this process and there is some comfort in knowing for sure that you are creating space for something new, something that you truly desire.
A vulnerable share
Recently I went through a deep healing myself. It was in the making for many years but when it came, this wind of change hit me with a force so strong that I felt the Earth had opened up and I was swallowed in a deep hole.
Here is what happened. For a while I was working on releasing powerful energies from my past that took hold, mostly people, habits and attachments that I felt pulling me back and making me repeat the same mistakes again. I came to a point when I felt I had enough of learning through suffering and pain and I desired nothing more than to free myself and start a new chapter.
After a few months of intense inner work I got my breakthrough and I felt renewed. But I knew that my process was far from being over. First comes death, a powerful force to takes away what is not needed anymore. For me it started with an intense pain in my body as old memories were starting to release on the physical plane.
The emotional roller coaster
The next wave that came was a powerful emotional clearing. Sadness and grief hit me with such a force that I broke down and just wailed and sobbed as I experienced the betrayal and heartbreak that I denied in the past because I was scared that if I would feel them I would truly lose my mind.
A lot of tears were shed that were waiting patiently inside and were glad to finally come out. After that my phone was hacked and deleted remotely, I was locked out from all my accounts, denied all access, my passwords were changed and I lost all my connections and contacts.
I was in shock. Then fear set in so strong that I had two panic attacks. I couldn’t even think what to do and I felt completely helpless and powerless. In the hours that followed I received an outpouring of help and we managed to recover most things that were lost but I had to reinstall my phone, change all my passwords and start anew. Well be careful what you ask for because this was a new beginning for sure:)
After the shock and panic wore off and I started to ground myself again, somebody tried to steal my car. They broke the lock on the door and thank heavens they couldn’t get in but now I was also locked out of my car! Are you kidding? Another wave of sadness came out of me as I kept crying and continued to let go and empty myself from old energies and attachments.
The next couple of days were a bit of a blur as I received more support and went on clearing those energies that obviously didn’t want to let go. Then slowly everything started to calm down like the winds after a hurricane, the pain began to ease in my body, I came back to myself and slowly peace and harmony returned signalling the time for a true rebirth.
Healing is no joke
Healing is no joke. When you are facing powerful forces and say no more, you must be prepared for the intensity that will come as you heal and claim back your power. When you allow low vibe energies to take hold of you, when you consent to dark forces even if you didn’t know, you will have to fight with all your might to let go.
Yes it is hard. Yes I wanted to give up this fight many, many times. But I love myself more. I believe I am worthy of fighting for. I believe I deserve freedom. And in the end when you come out on the other side you will be glad that you didn’t give up the fight. Because the new chapter that you open will be more magical and beautiful than you could ever have wished for.
The dark night of the soul
I went through many dark nights of the soul. In that darkness where I felt lost and powerless, the bottom of that dark hole was also where I found my worth, my light and my power. From that depth I rose like a phoenix and found my confidence. But most of all in that darkness I found the connection to my true self that I was always looking for. In that place I found something bigger than myself, someone infinitely strong and breathtakingly beautiful.
What I wish for you is to find that being inside of you.
To all my relations.
